Virus Warning

Shady Abuyusuf

Sun, 08 Sep 2024

407

Joke

From: Tim Ferris, Sydney, NSW

If you see a message in your email with a subject line of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it. This is the most dangerous virus yet.

It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer up to 20 feet. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, reprogram your ATM access code, screw up the tracking on your VCR and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play.

It will give your ex-boy/girlfriend your new phone number. It will program your phone auto dial to call only your mother's number. It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer. It will hide your car keys when you are late for work and interfere with your car radio so that you hear 1940's hits and static while stuck in traffic.

It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card.

It will rewrite your back-up files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretation of key sentences.

"Badtimes" will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up and leave the hairdryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub.

It will wantonly remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, and refill your skim milk with whole. "Badtimes" is an evil virus conceived by evil people. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve.

These are just a few signs. Be very, very afraid.

Language Analysis

Vocabulary Items:

1. Re-write

• Meaning: To write again or revise.
• Pronunciation: /riːˈraɪt/
• Form: Verb.
• Usage: "It will re-write your hard drive."
• Example Sentence: I need to re-write this essay before submitting it.

2. Scramble

• Meaning: To mix up or confuse.
• Pronunciation: /ˈskræmbəl/
• Form: Verb.
• Usage: "It will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer."
• Example Sentence: The encryption software will scramble the data for security.

3. Recalibrate

• Meaning: To adjust or calibrate again.
• Pronunciation: /riˈkælɪbreɪt/
• Form: Verb.
• Usage: "It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting."
• Example Sentence: The mechanic needs to recalibrate the engine after repairing it.

4. Milk curdle

• Meaning: To cause milk to separate into curds and whey.
• Pronunciation: /mɪlk ˈkɜːrdl/
• Form: Verb phrase.
• Usage: "It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream melts and milk curdles."
• Example Sentence: Adding vinegar to warm milk will make it curdle.

5. Demagnetise

• Meaning: To remove or reduce the magnetic properties of something.
• Pronunciation: /diːˈmæɡnətaɪz/
• Form: Verb.
• Usage: "It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards."
• Example Sentence: The strong magnetic field demagnetized the hard drive.

6. Screw up

• Meaning: To make a mistake; to mess something up.
• Pronunciation: /skruː ʌp/
• Form: Phrasal verb.
• Usage: "It will screw up the tracking on your VCR."
• Example Sentence: Don't screw up this opportunity.

7. Subspace field harmonics

• Meaning: A theoretical concept related to spatial distortions or fields in science fiction.
• Pronunciation: /ˈsʌbˌspeɪs fiːld hɑːˈmɒnɪks/
• Form: Noun phrase.
• Usage: "It will use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you try to play."
• Example Sentence: The novel explores subspace field harmonics in great detail.

8. Insidious

• Meaning: Proceeding in a gradual, subtle way, but with harmful effects.
• Pronunciation: /ɪnˈsɪdiəs/
• Form: Adjective.
• Usage: "It is insidious and subtle."
• Example Sentence: The disease had an insidious onset, making it hard to detect.

9. Antifreeze

• Meaning: A substance used to lower the freezing point of a liquid, typically in a car's radiator.
• Pronunciation: /ˈæntiˌfriːz/
• Form: Noun.
• Usage: "It will mix antifreeze into your fish tank."
• Example Sentence: Check the antifreeze levels before winter.

10. Circus midgets

• Meaning: A term often used humorously to refer to small people associated with a circus.
• Pronunciation: /ˈsɜːrkəs ˈmɪdʒɪts/
• Form: Noun phrase.
• Usage: "It will give you nightmares about circus midgets."
• Example Sentence: The circus midgets performed acrobatics.

11. Nair

• Meaning: A brand of depilatory (hair-removal) product.
• Pronunciation: /nɛr/
• Form: Proper noun.
• Usage: "It will replace your shampoo with Nair."
• Example Sentence: She accidentally bought Nair instead of shampoo.

12. Rogaine

• Meaning: A brand name for a hair growth treatment.
• Pronunciation: /roʊˈɡeɪn/
• Form: Proper noun.
• Usage: "It will replace your Nair with Rogaine."
• Example Sentence: He uses Rogaine to prevent hair loss.

13. Hotel rendezvous

• Meaning: A secret meeting or date at a hotel.
• Pronunciation: /hoʊˈtɛl ˈrɑːndeɪvuː/
• Form: Noun phrase.
• Usage: "It will date your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and bill their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card."
• Example Sentence: They had a hotel rendezvous during their business trip.

14. Incorporate

• Meaning: To include or integrate something into a larger whole.
• Pronunciation: /ɪnˈkɔːrpəreɪt/
• Form: Verb.
• Usage: "It will rewrite your back-up files, incorporating undetectable misspellings."
• Example Sentence: The new design will incorporate feedback from customers.

15. Undetectable

• Meaning: Unable to be detected; not noticeable.
• Pronunciation: /ʌndɪˈtɛktəbl/
• Form: Adjective.
• Usage: "Incorporating undetectable misspellings."
• Example Sentence: The error was so small it was undetectable.

16. Grossly

• Meaning: To a very large or excessive degree.
• Pronunciation: /ˈɡroʊsli/
• Form: Adverb.
• Usage: "Grossly change the interpretation of key sentences."
• Example Sentence: The contract was grossly misinterpreted.

Lesson Plan: Vocabulary Lesson Using a Joke Text

Main Aim

To practice 16 vocabulary items from different word classes in the context of virus warning. These items are mentioned in a joke text.

Sub Aim

To provide practice in monologue speaking through presentations in the context of virus warning.

Student Profile

• Age: Adults (20-35)
• Level: Upper-Intermediate
• Background: Mixed nationalities, all with good command of English
• Needs: Enrichment of vocabulary and speaking practice
• Assumptions: Students are familiar with basic vocabulary and can follow humour and context in English

• Anticipated Problems:

• Some vocabulary items might be challenging due to lack of context for example: Rogaine, Nair, etc.
• Pronunciation of certain words may be difficult for example: insidious, recalibrate, etc.

• Solutions:

• Provide clear definitions, examples, and phonetic transcriptions.
• Conduct pronunciation drills and practice.

Personal Aims

• To effectively engage students in a humorous context to learn vocabulary.
• To provide opportunities for students to use new vocabulary in speaking activities.

Stages

1. Lead-in (5 minutes)

• Aim: To engage students and introduce the context of the lesson.
• Procedure:
• Show a short funny video about exaggerated computer virus warnings.
• Ask students if they've ever received strange or funny emails.

2. Exposure (10 minutes)

• Aim: To expose students to the target vocabulary in context.
• Procedure:
• Distribute the joke text to students. Ask them to tell you which part is the funniest for them.
• Students read the text silently.
• Interaction: S-S, T-S

3. Highlighting (5 minutes)

• Aim: To highlight and draw attention to the target vocabulary.
• Procedure:
• Underline or highlight the difficult vocabulary items in the text.
• Ask students to identify the highlighted words and phrases.
• Interaction: S-S, T-S

4. Language Clarification (15 minutes)

• Aim: To clarify the meaning, pronunciation, form, and usage of the vocabulary items.
• Procedure:
• Present each vocabulary item with its meaning, pronunciation, form, and example sentence.
• Use (contextualisation + elicitation + concept checking + drilling (if necessary, these are B2 students + writing form)
• Use visual aids and gestures where possible.
• Conduct choral and individual repetition for pronunciation practice.
• Interaction: T-S, S-S

5. Controlled Practice (10 minutes)

• Aim: To practice the target vocabulary in a controlled context.
• Procedure:
• Provide students with a matching exercise where they match the vocabulary items with their definitions.
• Pair students to compare answers before checking as a class.
• Interaction: S-S, T-S

6. Freer Practice (15 minutes)

• Aim: To allow students to use the new vocabulary in a freer, more communicative context.
• Procedure:
• In groups, students create their own exaggerated virus warning using at least five of the target vocabulary items.
• Each group presents their virus warning to the class.
• Interaction: S-S, G-S

7. Feedback (10 minutes)

• Aim: To provide feedback on students' use of vocabulary and speaking performance.
• Procedure:
• Give positive feedback and correct any major errors.
• Highlight good use of vocabulary and encourage further practice.
• Interaction: T-S, S-S

Timing and Interaction Patterns

• Lead-in: 5 minutes (T-S)
• Exposure: 10 minutes (S-S, T-S)
• Highlighting: 5 minutes (S-S, T-S)
• Language Clarification: 15 minutes (T-S, S-S)
• Controlled Practice: 10 minutes (S-S, T-S)
• Freer Practice: 15 minutes (S-S, G-S)
• Feedback: 10 minutes (T-S, S-S)

This lesson plan provides a structured approach to teaching vocabulary through a humorous text, ensuring students are engaged and have ample opportunity to practice and internalize the new vocabulary items.

Controlled Practice Activity: Matching Exercise

Instructions: Match the vocabulary items from the joke text with their correct definitions. Write the letter of the definition next to the vocabulary item.

Vocabulary Items

1. Re-write
2. Scramble
3. Recalibrate
4. Milk curdle
5. Demagnetize
6. Screw up
7. Subspace field harmonics
8. Insidious
9. Antifreeze
10. Circus midgets
11. Nair
12. Rogaine
13. Hotel rendezvous
14. Incorporate
15. Undetectable
16. Grossly

Definitions

A. To adjust or calibrate again.

 B. To make a mistake; to mess something up.

C. To write again or revise.

D. To remove or reduce the magnetic properties of something.

E. A theoretical concept related to spatial distortions or fields in science fiction.

F. To mix up or confuse.

G. Unable to be detected; not noticeable.

H. A brand name for a hair growth treatment.

I. Proceeding in a gradual, subtle way, but with harmful effects.

J. A substance used to lower the freezing point of a liquid, typically in a car's radiator.

K. To include or integrate something into a larger whole.

L. A term often used humorously to refer to small people associated with a circus.

M. A secret meeting or date at a hotel.

N. A brand of depilatory (hair-removal) product.

 O. To cause milk to separate into curds and whey.

P. To a very large or excessive degree.

Answer Key

1. Re-write C
2. Scramble F
3. Recalibrate A
4. Milk curdle O
5. Demagnetize D
6. Screw up B
7. Subspace field harmonics E
8. Insidious I
9. Antifreeze J
10. Circus midgets L
11. Nair N
12. Rogaine H
13. Hotel rendezvous M
14. Incorporate K
15. Undetectable G
16. Grossly P